Yep. It had. It had bloomed.
The bright white blossoms, that were tinted with pale pinkness, had already bloomed and their fragrance had filled the air. The cherry tree’s blooms were also spreading their sweet scent through the air. We left our home in the last week of April in 2010 with a sweet scent trailing behind us. And a beautiful sunset, I might add.
When I look through old photos from that time and the few weeks preceding it, it makes me choke. I get a lump in my throat that seems to continue to grow as I go through each folder, marked by the months the photos were taken in. January, February, March, April… My eyes sting because tears would well in them, and I’d have to blink to get them out of them.
I choke because I miss it all.
I get a lump in my throat because I get to thinking about how much I miss it.
Tears well in my eyes and sting them because I probably won’t see it again and can’t have it all back.
Plain. and. simple.
Yeah. Not really.
I still lie in bed awake at night, when I get to thinking about home, and then the choking starts as the lump begins to form. The tears come a little afterward as I continue to think about it all. And the fact that I will probably never see it again. Hey, I had a lot of room for that house to be in my life-dreams.
I ‘grew up’ in that house for over ten years. Four of my siblings were born in that house. Countless memories were made. We kept our animals in that big bank barn. We built a swing-set in the yard. We worked for years in building an addition onto our house. Yep. It was a big part of my ‘life’ dreams.
But we had to leave it all, because Abba was calling us. Even after almost two years [wow! two years in April of 2012!] I still get homesick. Maybe some day I won’t. Maybe we’ll settle somewhere, in some country, and it will be like home again. Of course, it can’t really be the exact same as it was, without all of the people that were in it. It can be kind of the same. I would be ok with that. I’d settle for that.
One of the sweetest memories I have is of the day we left. Momma and I were walking down to our neighbours house with Lu to take showers while Jocelyn finished packing. The water had been shut off at our house, so we couldn’t do it there. The coolness of that April evening was like any other, and it gave me the same ponderous feeling I had gotten every other evening like it. The sun was just beginning to reach the horizon line as we got to the house and I turned around to look.
It was hidden somewhere behind our house, and I couldn’t see it. But I could see the rays of golden light that shot through the air around our house and hit the trees and grass on the sides of our big house. I sniffed the air. It smelled like crab-apple and cherry tree blossoms because the soft breezes had carried it all the one quarter mile from our house to our neighbour’s.
It was such a familiar scent, and one I will always love. And one I will always associate with home. When I smelt it, I wanted to cry. My tears began to well. I knew I’d probably never smell the fragrance of those trees again. My heart began to melt and beg for me to be wrong. I really did want to be wrong then. Terribly wanted it. But we got one last parting gift from our sweet little homestead – a fragrance I’ll never forget.
Thank you, Abba, for giving us those two wonderful trees.
Thank you for letting them bloom before we left so we could smell them as we drove out of our driveway for the last time that evening.
Thank you for the snowy white blossoms tinged with a pale pink of the crab-apple tree, and the fuchsia coloured ones of the cherry tree.
Thank you so much for them.
Thank you… for the crab-apple tree that had already bloomed…
p.s. and I would have put some photos that I took of the cherry and crab-apple trees in bloom that I took, but alas, they are on my Mini and that is still under construction and inaccessible. unfortunately. they were so beautiful.
p.p.s. I don’t usually ramble on like that… but I’ve been thinkin’ on it a lot, and musin’ over things like that for awhile now… suppose you could say it’s been on my heart for awhile. :) thanks for lending an ear. be blessed, amigos!